A Day I Live With For Eternity
by JasmineBehindTheTrees
Summary: After Breaking Dawn, Leah must face being a werewolf, seeing Emily's wedding, and the drama of her life that follows.
1. Monster

_This story starts off after Breaking Dawn with the start of Leah's life. She must now face being a werewolf, seeing her cousin, Emily and Sam get married, and a lot more drama. _

_Enjoy! Comments are highly appreciated and motivational._

**Chapter 1-- Monster**

**Leah**

I sat in silence, with my blank expression staring right back at myself in the mirror as Sue prepped my hair, make-up, and dress.

I looked like a princess. That's what my mother kept telling me, but I couldn't even take that in consideration, because the feelings that I was feeling right now deep inside, regardless of my outside appearance, affected everything. Every feeling I had.

I'd rather this have been _my day_, but if I thought of that too much, I'd seem selfish and slowly that thought would become a sin to me.

Because this was my cousin's day. Emily's. This was her day to shine and forever be wedded to the man she was meant to be with. Sam.

But Sam, happened to be my high school sweetheart. And so, one can definitely imagine the amount of emotion I must endure as I watch the smiles and the joyous abundance of celebration that is flowing all around La Push right now.

"It's your cousin's wedding day...do you know that, Leah?" My mother interrupted my thoughts and brought me back to life. I had been so caught up in the gaze of looking at my long, black hair pinned up in pink flowers, and the blush that highlighted my cheekbones.

"Yes…I know it." I replied back. It sounded more depressing than I intended it to be, but whatever. My life was depressing.

"Well, I am sorry to be the one to break it to you, but I think that Emily will be very unhappy to see you…well, acting this way at her wedding." My mother's words drowned my head.

She didn't seem to understand my situation. As the tears stung inside my eyes, I fought with myself to hold them back. It would mess up the makeup. Not that I cared. But Sue had worked hard.

I didn't even answer her. I was afraid of what would come out. Rudeness, perhaps? Or maybe I'd just explode, shredding the beautiful, pink bridesmaid dress and running into the forest to escape as the monster that I was.

Either scenario was dreadful to think about; with this being Emily and Sam's, wedding I couldn't have them pitying me any more than they already have. I have to look tough.

I have to move on.

Without him.

"Leah, it's been a year. When are you just going to…you know…move on? I know it's hard, trust me. But, you have to let things go. I have." My mother's words now started to overflow inside of me.

I couldn't take it anymore. I was drowning.

What was she saying?

No.

Why was she saying it?

I started to tremble.

No. Don't do this. Not today.

My hands shook.

And I exploded.

"YOU HAVE?! OH, YOU HAVE?! So, you've forgotten about dad right? You've moved on and he's just a thing of the past to you, huh? You have Charlie now, RIGHT?!? Is that what you expect me to do? You want me to just forget that I'm this ugly, disgusting, grotesque monster wolf? You want me to forget that my father died because of me and the only guy that I ever loved wasn't even meant for me? You think I should just delete from my mind the fact that my cousin is a beautiful bride and has nothing to worry about because she's with the love of her life and this was supposed to be my day? You want me to just, forget that right?! Well, I…I…I CAN'T!!!"

Every part of my body trembled as I held on to the counter, digging my newly manicured nails into the granite.

Sue looked like she was about to cry and faint at the same time. But she was frozen, her hands were by her side and she stared at me thru the mirror.

Why? Why couldn't I just control myself?

Now, I hurt my mother.

All because of my instincts. My stupid instincts.

The tears stung inside my eyes more than ever now, and I could feel them about to topple over, ruining my makeup. Could I hold them back? Did I have the strength?

My mother closed her eyes, a tear glistening down her face. Then she turned towards the bathroom door and sighed,

"I'm sorry."

She left from the room.

My tears now fell, creating a blurred, runny mess of makeup all over my face.

At least now my face matched the real thing that I was.

An ugly monster.

---

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**Author's Note:** It is very much appreciated if you'd take just a tiny second to give me your thoughts in a brief summary. I am looking forward to continuing this story with lots more in store and I hope you all enjoyed reading!

Much thanks,

Jasmine.


	2. Preparation

**Chapter 2--Preparation**

My head pounded as I sat in the hotel room watching other bridesmaids prep Emily for the wedding which started in an hour.

I'd told them that I had a headache and needed to rest, that they should continue on. Little did they know that was a lie, and truly, I was still recovering from my breakdown this morning in front of Sue and the fact that I really didn't want to be here.

What made my problems even worse was the fact that the hotel we were supposed to be celebrating the wedding at is in Port Angeles, thus, making it farther for me to retreat into my wolf form if the pain got to be too much.

I watched as Emily was put into the long, white dress. Her tan skin glowed amongst the ivory sparkles at her chest. The flowers in her hair had a tint of pink that made a contrast against her black hair.

The only thing out of place was the three scars on her face. I didn't know how to feel about that.

Did she deserve them?

Or does it make her beauty even more significant?

"Leah? What do you think!? Aren't you so excited!!?!?" Emily's enthusiasm was sickening. I felt like I was going to puke.

Well, if I did, I guess I could just go ahead and do it on her dress. That would bring me joy.

"Yeah… you look amazing." I whispered.

I guess she could tell my dampened mood.

"Do you still have cramps or whatever?" There was absolutely no care in her question. She was too busy looking in the mirror at herself to even care about what she was actually saying.

I watched as little pink dresses scurried all over the enormous room, getting flowers and makeup.

"Um, no it's a headache. And yes. I do."

Thanks for asking.

Phsst.

"Oh, well could you help me with this dress. I am having troubles with the tie in the back. Apparently NO one finds it necessary to help the bride." She laughed. Obviously she thought that was funny. I gagged.

"Sure."

As I pulled at the ties in the back of her dress she began rambling on. Like I really cared.

"I am so excited Leah. You really don't know how long I have been waiting for this day."

I've waited longer.

She continued, "Sam is just, so, so, remarkable to me. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him! And then, maybe we could have children!! Oh! Children, Leah!!"

I stopped tying and froze.

Why the heck did she find any need in the world to be discussing this with me? Was she aware of the situation?

"Leah? Are you finished?" Emily puzzled.

"No, sorry." I pulled tighter. I hope she suffocated in the dress.

---

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**Author's Note:** Did you like this chapter? Tell me in a review! Thanks for those of you who already have and I looked forward to hearing more! There's a lot more where this came from, so look out!!

Wanna know what happens at Emily's wedding? Be sure to check next chapter!

Jasmine


	3. The Day

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**Chapter 3-- The Day**

The smell of roses and all the other pretty wedding flowers filled my head as I stood next to the other bridesmaids. No bloodsuckers here.

Although the leech lover was.

Da-da-da-dum. Was all I that filled my ears.

All I could see were the family and friends of Emily and Sam from all over La Push gathered in the small area of seats in the big, white corridor.

Their smiles and tears of joy as they watched Emily walk slowly down the aisle made me sick to my stomach. I was seriously debating whether I felt like I was going to throw up or not.

It didn't matter.

I wanted to be anywhere but here.

This was my most tragic nightmare.

I never looked at Sam, I hadn't the whole day. His face would definitely make me do something I'd regret.

I didn't watch Emily as she walked down the aisle either.

_Look at the audience. Look at the audience. _That's all I could repeat in my head.

Then, before I knew it, it was like a picture snapped and brought me back to reality.

The preacher:

"Do you take this woman to be your wedded wife? Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her in sickness and in health, remaining faithful to her as long as you both shall live?"

_No. Please, no._

Sam: "I do."

_No! STOP!_

"Do you take this man to be your wedded husband? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him in sickness and in health, remaining faithful to him as long as you both shall live?"

Emily: "I do."

I couldn't take it. Why was I here? Why did I even care? What the hell was my problem!?

My flowers dropped from my hands. I gasped.

The other bridesmaid's eyes glued to me as they watched me glare off into a no where, just searching for sanity.

I then knew that the whole audience, including Sam and Emily had their attention focused to me.

The stinging in my eyes was at its most, but no tears would come. It was like I was all out.

Silence.

I fled from the position, at which I was standing, up next to the altar, ripping the pearls and flowers out of my hair, letting my hair rest down my back, ran down the aisle and burst through the doors.

I didn't know where I was going now. What was I to look forward to as their reactions?

Did I just ruin the wedding?

It didn't matter. I didn't _have_ to come back.

I saw trees as I continued to run outside. Lots of them. Perfect.

My dress ripped and I shook with anger and fury as I transformed into a wolf and retreated off into the woods.

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**Author's Note: **The heat is becoming more intense by the second in the story, right? I hope you enjoy more and more the next chapter after the next. A LOT more to come. Find out what happens to Leah in the next chapter.

Thanks for reading,

Jasmine


	4. Aftermath

**Chapter 4--Aftermath**

I was guessing it was around 11 or 12 at night by the time I had run near the house.

I could smell Sue's cooking and felt my stomach growl with hunger.

_Decide to come back with us?_

Seth was in his wolf form. He was close.

_What do you want, Seth?_

I was annoyed, and didn't care to be bothered.

_You shouldn't have done that. Emily is so upset now...you could have at least waited ---_

_Listen SETH, I don't need anyone telling me what I have done wrong. Am I the only one who has committed a horrible crime? Have you totally forgotten everything that has happened as well, like everyone else? Don't lecture me. If anything, I should lecture you!!_

_Just come home, Leah. Please._

He was gone. I guess he was in human form now.

I didn't care. I felt absolutely alone in this world now. No one could even understand my position.

I wish Harry was still alive. He'd probably be able to support me.

Brushing against the trees near my house, I was so close I could smell and see it. But, I didn't want to go home. Not just yet.

Whatever. Who cares what Seth says? He is my little brother anyways.

My legs increased in velocity as I sped deeper and deeper into the woods.

_Hmm, no one is out running tonight. That's good. _I thought to myself.

_I am._

That voice scared me. It gave me a feeling in my stomach that felt like I would explode stomach first. That voice was a voice that once comforted me, but now, I felt like all I wanted to do was run…away from it.

It was Sam's. Meaning, he was in wolf form as well.

I didn't reply to him, but of course he knew what I was feeling.

_Leah, can we talk? Please?_

His deep,husky voice sent shivers down my spine. But, I couldn't reply. I couldn't make anything come out of my head. I couldn't picture his face. I would crumble.

_Leah, please. Say something. We NEED to talk._

Was he mad? I couldn't tell.

Well of course he would be. I'd practically crashed his wedding.

But what the hell did I really care?

Who was Sam to me?

Why was I tensing up anyway?

I didn't have feelings for Sam.

I didn't have to listen to him.

I didn't have to take the pain.

Slowly, I transformed into human form, and dashed towards home, leaving Sam unanswered in his wolf form.

---

The last thing that I was wearing was the dress, and that was torn to shreds somewhere back in Port Angeles, so I was naked.

I had no idea how I was going to make it into the house without anyone noticing me.

Slowly, I crept towards the house, covering as much of my body with my hands as possible.

I looked up towards my bedroom window.

I could make it up there and into my room without anyone seeing me.

As I slid into my window, I ran to my drawer and pulled out a t-shirt and shorts.

Now what?

GRRRR… my stomach was growling so loudly now. I'd refused to eat anything at the wedding. Perhaps that's why.

Maybe I could make it to the kitchen and get some food really quick before I had to talk to anyone.

Walking slowly down the hall and turning into the kitchen, I found Sue, gazing off into space with leftover spaghetti on the stove.

When she saw me, she sighed,

"Oh, Leah. I love you sweetie." Turning her back to the stove, she gave me a bear hug.

She continued, "I'm sorry for my behavior today. I never should have even made you go to the wedding. I should have supported you. I should have realized, that it was…it was…Sam….I'm so sorry."

Sue's tears slowly turned into sobs on my shoulder. I felt helpless.

In a way, she definitely needed to apologize, but this wasn't all her fault. I was a little harsh too, earlier this morning.

"I…I.."

"Leah, you have every right to be feeling the way you do right now. After you left, the wedding went on, but your absence caused the wedding to feel more like a funeral, well to me at least. Honey, we all love you dearly, and I just want you to remember that."

I felt nauseous, the kind of feeling before I felt like I was going to burst into tears.

The wedding had gone on.

Well, I guess I should have expected that right?

They couldn't just end it because of me. They probably really didn't even care that much.

Sue was over exaggerating.

I lifted her from my shoulder and pushed away.

I grabbed a half eaten sandwich from the fridge and headed back to my room, slamming the door.

No one was allowed to pity me.

I was sick of it.

I was sick of crying, sick of Sue crying, and I wished things would just let go.

For once!

After devouring the sandwich, I plopped onto my bed and buried my face into the pillow.

Screams escaped from my body.

But only my pillow and I could hear them.

No matter how much I wish it was, I knew that this wasn't over.

---

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**Author's Note: **Thanks for the reviews! I love you guys!! I can't wait to right more. Another chapter is coming soooon! More reviews please. Help my story get the best that it can be. ;)

Thanks soo much,

Jasmine


	5. Twenty One

**Chapter 5—Twenty One**

I'd waken to a cold sweat and the heat of the sun shining through my window and pouring on my back as I lay in bed.

My hair was a mess, but like that mattered right now.

I dragged myself to the bathroom and looked at my reflection.

I looked like a sickly person.

My eyes were drooping from the crying. I had tear stains. And my skin was oddly, but slightly, lighter than usual.

Ugh.

I was so freaking disgusted with myself. Why on earth was I even on this planet?! I don't even belong here. What was my point in being?

My fist banged on the counter and sent all the soaps, lotions, toothpaste, and stuff vibrating in all directions.

What was I?

I had to get myself together. That's it.

The warmth of the water coming from the shower as I turned it on didn't quite match with exactly how warm I was right now, but it felt great against my skin. I let the water roll down my face and through my hair and down my back. Closing my eyes, I finally relaxed, not giving a crap about anyone or anything. Finally.

After my shower, I got dressed and went to the kitchen.

"Hello?" I called out. I wanted to know if anyone was home.

Sue was probably pissed at me. Not only did she have two mutant teenagers, but she had a bitchy one and one who was never home. I guessed she was out with Charlie or something.

They are both clueless.

I grabbed an apple. Took a bite. Juice splattered all over my face.

Seth was probably out running with Jacob, or even worse, at the Cullen's hanging around the weird human/ vampire freak.

That just left me. Usually, I'd be out on a so called beautiful day like this with Sam, walking along First Beach or…just doing nothing with him. Even if it was nothing, at least it was with him.

Now, I had absolutely no one. No one to love. No one to be with. No one.

I grabbed some money from off the counter, squeezing it into my tight blue jean shorts. It was only 20 dollars, but I could probably find something to buy. I didn't know whose it was, but they obviously didn't want it. It's mine now.

I decided to walk to a small, local shopping center that wasn't too far from home. Browsing around, I saw nothing that I wanted particularly. I was just bored, and had absolutely nothing to do.

I could go to the movie section and pick out some crappy 70's romance hit and fall asleep to it while stuffing my face with pizza and ice cream. That sounded absolutely perfect to me though.

I was taking off from patrolling. We had enough damn wolves in our pack, which had gotten back together (Jake's alpha now), that it didn't really matter if I were in the pack or not anymore.

Who really gave a crap?

The store was pretty much empty. Knowing La Push, everyone was probably out at the beach right now. Ha. But I wasn't.

I passed the drinks section. I read a sign which said, "MUST BE 21 YEARS OR OLDER AND CONTAIN AN ID. STATE LAW."

I'd never had a beer or any alcohol actually, in my life. Hey, I guess you could call me a goody good before. But I really didn't care anymore. I wanted to just forget about everything. Even if it was only for a minute. I wanted to be free. It'd give me something to do at least.

Not thinking twice, I grabbed a 6 pack of beer from the cooler and forgot about the movie. I started to head for the cash register where a plump man sat in his chair, his book practically plastered to his face. He wasn't paying any attention. That's when I realized my dilemma.

I had no way to pay for this. If anything, I may have looked like I was 21, but I definitely didn't have the ID to prove it. Maybe I could transform into wolf form and rip the guys head off and leave.

But that'd take too much work, hiding the body and such.

Hmm, I'd never stolen before, but there's always a first for everything right?

Making sure the man didn't see me, I slowly headed down an aisle, trying to make it seem like I was still looking for something. Once I finally neared the back of the small store, I saw a door. Above it read, "EXIT."

_Perfect. This was just way too easy._

I turned the knob and slowly exited out the small door without a sound.

No one would ever have a clue.

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**Author's Note:** I actually liked this chapter a lot. Did you? YAY! I can't wait to write more!!!


	6. The Fourth Drink Instinct

**AUTHORS NOTES:**

**Okay, so this isn't exactly the 'full' chapter. I wanted this chapter to be longer, but I haven't written all of it and I just really couldn't wait to post this chapter, so look forward to the next chapter in like, NO time at all. It will be up soon.**

**Also, about the title of this chapter. It is a song by Cute Is What We Aim For. They are a great band and I recommend that you listen to it...it fits with this chapter and the NEXT one coming up! So, I hope you guys like it.

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**

**Chapter 6--The Fourth Drink Instinct**

I couldn't believe it. I actually stole beer.

The weird thing about it was that I didn't even have one bit of regret or remorse. I didn't feel guilty at all. It was like, a new high to me.

I came back to the house to find that everyone was still gone. Did my family now find the need to abandon me as well? I had no one. Whatever though. I didn't need anyone.

I dropped the pack of cold beer on the table in the living room, sending all objects surronding it into a vibrating frenzy. Plopping myself onto the couch in front of the table, I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV.

Nothing was on, so I just decided to watch the lame afternoon Soap Operas. It wasn't like I really needed to watch it, for my life was a soap opera itself. But I thought maybe I could escape my own dramas by watching somebody else's.

The beer bottles had water droplets condensing on the outside of them. They were getting warm as they sat in front of me, watching me. Haunting me. I started to become distracted from the TV as I just watched the beers, not knowing what to do first.

My feet curled up on the couch underneath me and my eyes never left the beer. I was starting to drown out the sound of the TV as I watched what was in front of me.

Finally, I gained sanity and reached for the first beer. The top made a loud popping noise as I opened it, making me jump. Instantly, I smelled the strong stench emerging from the bottle. It was mouthwatering.

Yes, I was underage. Yes, this could be dangerous. But I didn't care. Because when I think about the situation I am in, I need a resort.

Maybe this could be it. I'd just....drink away my problems.

I took my first sip. Automatically, my face scrunched up as I wasn't accustomed to the taste. It was strong...different. I took another sip. The second was worse than the first one. But I intended on drinking it...all. The next sip was more like a gulp, but this time, I blocked out the smell and taste and tilted the bottle higher so that it easily trickled down my throat.

In almost two minutes, I had completed my first beer. But I was still thirsty for more. I still felt like nothing was fixed. So, I grabbed another from the pack. Even though my eyesight was beginning to become slightly blurred, I downed the second bottle in a minute. I had already become immune to the taste.

The last thing I worried about was someone walking in. I could careless. I just knew I had to get more.

My third beer went down in a flash. By now, I felt completely different. Everything was a daze. For once, I was relaxed. As I reached for a fourth, the doorbell rang, causing me to jump and starting my hiccups.

"Shit.." I muttered. Who could possibly be here, ringing my doorbell?

Slowly, and incoherently, I made my way to the door, almost tripping with each hiccup.

It was Sam. What a surprise. But, I was so drunk, I knew that the things about to come out of my mouth could be absolutely fatal.

"Wha--wha-t the hic-h--hell are you do--doin hurr?" Damned hiccups.

I watched Sam's expression turn from anger, to suspicion. He took his eyes from my face slowly to the bottle that lay in my trembling hands.

"Leah....have you been drinking?" His eyebrows crunched into confusion.

"Wha da--does it loo--look like dum--dumbass?" He was seriously a morron if he couldn't tell. I didn't let him answer, for I had some of my own questions to ask him, and continued,

"Whhyy a--aa--re yoooouu a-tt-t my housse for??" I was completely gone.

"I needed to talk to you about the wedding...but it looks like we won't be doing much of that will we?" Sam replied, slowly, still looking back and forth at me and the bottle of beer.

"I--I don needda ta-taalk witt youu Saaaammm!!" I pushed his chest, feeling the hard, chisled muscles underneath his shirt. I loved the feeling of his muscles, but I knew only one girl was allowed to cherish them.

Unaware of what I was doing, drunk of course, I dropped the beer all over his clean, white shirt.

At first, I felt bad, but then, being as drunk as I was, I didn't really care. Hey, it was actually sort of funny.

"Ooops!! Hahaaa!!" I burst out laughing as the beer bottle rolled on the floor and Sam stared shockingly at his drenched shirt.

It seemed like we stood there forever just looking at his shirt, when finally he looked down at me with an angered expression.

"Leah, I don't even know who you ARE anymore!"

Was he really going to give me THIS lecture. I wouldn't take it.

"Ob-b-vioussl-ly, da-dats urr probleem..." I started walking away towards the couch, completely dazed while hiccuping with each slow step.

As I made my way towards the source of beer, I went to reach for another. I liked this. But, I was too slow, because in a flash, Sam was over beside me, grabbing my hand to stop me from drinking another.

"Wa-aa thha ffu-u-ck is uur probleem?? LE--ET MEE GOOOO!" I struggled weakly, but Sam's huge muscles held me in place and he made it seem easy. I may be a werewolf, but I was still a girl, not a strong, physically,as Sam.

"You need to calm down, Leah. NOW." His voice was stern and angry. "Sit down." He continued, as he pushed me roughly down on the couch.

I couldn't believe he was coming in my house and pushing me around like this. Even though I was drunk, I still had enough sense.

"You can't do that to me!!" I yelled at him, still completely drunk, but way too weak to even stand up.

He started walking towards the kitchen, lifting up his shirt.

"What are you doing?!!??! Don't you have a WIFE??" I yelled.

"Don't worry Leah, this isn't for you. I need to wash this shirt that YOU ruined before I ever think about going home. I can't imagine what Em will think if I came home from my ex-girlfriend's smelling of beer..."

"Get out."

"No Leah, I'm not leaving until you are completely, or somewhat sober."

"That will be a while. Because I'm not getting sober..." I wasn't making any sense, but I grabbed for the last beer on the table, he obviously forgot to take away from me.

"Leah, STOP DRINKING." Sam called from the kitchen.

"TRY AND STOP ME! THIS IS MY HOUSE!!! WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE IF I DRINK ANYWAY!! WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE SAM?!?" I yelled back at him.

In an instant, Sam was less than an inch away from me. He snatched the beer from my hands and looked me straight in the eyes.

"You may be heart broken, and slightly insane, but as your Alpha, I will NOT let you completly trash yourself this way, Leah. You're lucky I am even here to help you. I shouldn't, after all the trouble you've caused."

He seriously wasn't saying this to me. I yelled right back at him, in his face.

"You can't come to my house telling me what I've done wrong and what to do. So what if I ruined your stupid wedding? I know it! You don't have to come to my house to 'talk' to me about it!!!"

"I'm glad I am no longer with you Leah. You are a stubborn, stupid bitch." His words were like acid that was being poured into my eyes. I couldn't believe it.

Suddenly, I could no longer speak. I was breathless. I began to feel those stinging tears in my eyes and as the first tear fell, Sam was still standing right in front of me, angry.

I just stared in his black eyes. I once loved this man. I once cherished him. Now, he was evil. The Sam I once knew would have never done what he had just done. I was hurt. Beyond belief.

The tears were crashing upon me and I couldn't even bare looking at him anymore.

I ran fast to my room, pushing him out the way. When I made it there, I slammed my door and buried myself in the bed sheets, too drunk to realize how loud I was crying.

In no time, I passed out.


	7. That Night

**Chapter 7--That Night**

My eyes fluttered open as I felt my stomach churn and bubble. I rolled over slightly in my bed to see what the time read on the clock on top of the night stand.

1:45 AM.

I was still fully clothed and the smell of beer lingered on my breath. I didn't feel completely drunk any more, but the effects were not thoroughly gone.

Rolling over once more, my stomach disagreed with me. I felt the contents of my stomach go against the rules of gravity and begin to slither up my esophagus and into my throat. I was sick. And throwing up right now, in my bed, looked like not the greatest idea.

Stumbling to the bathroom, I managed to get to the toilet and let the beer all out. It was pitch black in the house and I had no clue where Sam had gone. He should have left by now, considering he hated me and needed to get back to his wife, but I didn't give a fuck. Who was he to me anyways?

Just as the vomit began to churn in my stomach again, I felt tears coming on again. My weakness. As I sat on the cold, tiled, bathroom flooring, puking my guts out, the warm, salty tears flowed along my face. I felt pathetic. I felt like a failure. Why was I here? What was my reason for living? Nothing made sense to me anymore.

I laid my hot face against the cool floor and sobbed. I wept like a baby here, curling myself up into a ball, as if it could ease all my pain. I closed my eyes adding to the darkness. And fell back asleep.

---

I was restless tonight. My eyes fluttered back open. I noticed that I was completely freezing now as the goose bumps ran up and down my spine. The sour taste of vomit still lingered in my mouth, so I got up to the sink and rinsed it out with warm water. Turning on the lights and looking up at my reflection in the mirror made me realize exactly why Sam decided to leave me. I wasn't pretty. My skin wasn't soft and I wasn't the smallest build. I looked hard, and mean. I hated myself.

I hit the light switch with all my might and heard a slight crack as the result. The switch was probably broken now, but that didn't matter to me at all.

Where were Sue and Seth? Fuck.

"Whatever.." I mumbled to myself as I headed to my bedroom and climbed into my bed.

Just as my eyes began to close, I felt his presence. I could smell his warm scent. The scent I once loved, that made my hair stand on its ends and my heart skip beats.

Sam.

He'd opened my door and was making his way to the other side of my bed. I still felt lightheaded and slightly out of it, so I didn't bother to look up. I knew it was him.

"Why are you still here?" I mumbled quietly into my pillow.

"I'm sorry Leah." I could hear his deep voice hovering over my bed side. Did he just apologize??

"Oh....so the big, tough, and almighty Alpha decides to apologize? OOOO, what's next?" Sarcasm lingered in my voice as I pushed my face deeper into the pillow.

"Leah," He grabbed hold of my arm, his grasp warm and firm, but gentle. "I said I am sorry. What I said was unacceptable. Please forgive me."

This time, I looked up at him. It was dark, but I could still make out his features. His face displayed emotion. He really meant what he was saying.

It's like looking at him was a bad idea, because I felt the all to familiar sting emerge into my eyes. The warm tears were ready to topple over, and I couldn't hold them in. His gaze took me in, and the tears began.

I closed my eyes to hide from him, but he still had me in his grasp. Little cries began to spring from inside me. There was nothing I could do to stop them, but in almost an instant, he grabbed me into his chest and I was lying on top of him on my bed.

I felt a part of him. We felt like one again. He was drying up my tears with his warmth and hug. I felt happy. But why? Why was he doing this to me? Why did he want to comfort me? We were pack members, nothing else.

As he stroked my long, black hair and ran his fingers down my spine, I got chills. I could feel his steady breath on the top of my head and it soothed me. But I resisted, pulling my body slightly away from him.

"What are you doing?" I whispered, looking down at him seriously curious.

"Leah, you mean a lot to me...do you know that?" His gaze was intense. His eyes bore into mine.

I didn't say anything in reply but I shook my head and looked away. What was this? What the hell was he doing?

"Pssht..please Sam. Do you know what time it is?" I said this, implying he should let go of the small of my back and go home to Emily.

We had been in this position too many times before when we were actually seeing each other. But now, it was just awkward...I mean, he was a married man now.

Lifting one hand from my back, he brought it up to the side of my face so that I could look at him and said,

"Forgive me." His voice was soft, calm, sweet.

I couldn't take my eyes off of him now. He continued,

"You are beautiful Leah Clearwater. I love the way your beautiful hair flows down your back and your eyes illuminate your face. Just seeing you cry makes me weak. Hurting you brings me pain. I can't see you like this anymore Leah..." He was now stroking my face and wiping away each tear.

He kept talking, looking me in my eyes,

"I love you Leah. I love you so much. I never stopped loving you."

My heart stopped. Was he really saying this? Was he really doing this? Was this really fucking happening!?

All I could do was whisper,

"Sam...."

There was nothing else I could say. I wanted this for so long. I wanted him to want me. I loved this man. And here he was.

Before I knew it, we were both engaged in a deep, passionate kiss which started off slowly, but began to increase until we were both gasping for air. He ran his rough hands down my back and up under the hem of my shirt, rubbing my back and undoing my bra. We still lingered in the kiss as I lay on top of him, helping him undo my bra.

My shirt flew off next, then, my jeans. They were on the floor in an instant. All that was on now was my thong. He was kissing my neck now, as he plopped my over and we switched positions. I now could feel his strong, hard body on top of me, taking off both my and his remaining clothes.

I couldn't believe this was happening. Everything was going so fast and I wasn't even thinking. All I knew was that I loved this man to death. I loved him, still.

The night lingered on, we both engaged in each other's embrace, making love like we once did years before.

I loved Sam Uley.


	8. Lost

**Chapter 8 - Lost**

I woke up in the pitch black night with Leah sprawled out on top of my bare chest. I felt her breathing, slowly, peacefully, and saw the small smile on her face as she slept calmly.

Inhaling deeply, I turned my head to the side to see the clock sitting on the night stand which read 3:34 AM. I barely slept at all after…what we did.

And now, thinking back on that, I can't believe it. I just had sex with my ex. I just lured her into that even though we both knew we didn't belong together anymore. Was it right? No. But did I like the feeling of being with her again? Yes. Did I like seeing her smile, her thick, dark hair lying across her warm bronze skin? Yes.

But did I still love Leah Clearwater? Not enough.

It was time to get back to Emily.

* * *

The sun creeping from my window burned down on my bare back. I was entangled in sheets and sweat and the huge blanket that once covered my bed was on the floor along with my clothes from yesterday.

"Shit." What happened last night?

As I observed my matted hair, naked body with red marks on my neck, chest, and stomach, I started to piece everything together.

Sam apologized. I accepted. We kissed…and then…

I started screaming obscenities. "Oh no! Shit, this didn't happen. It couldn't have…"

Quickly, I got down and put on my clothes from last night. My mind was racing with all the possibilities.

Hallucination. Yeah, I could have been so drunk out of my mind that I only thought all of this.

But that wouldn't explain why my clothes were off, my body sore, and my hair in matted mess. The only logical thing I could do was call Sam. But, if what happened last night really wasn't just in my head, then I can't imagine how awkward calling Sam would be.

I stood there staring at the wall for a second. Contemplating.

My thinking was interrupted by my stomach's loud growling. I guess I had to eat something before I did anything about the 'thing' that happened last night.

Man, where the hell was I going in life?

I rushed down the stairs as if hurrying faster would make everything better and clear my mind. I strolled into the kitchen, but was stopped suddenly by a small yellow sheet of paper plastered to the tiny refrigerator in the corner. It had blue words scribbled all over them in a tidy kind of way. Only my mother's writing.

Hesitating for a second, I slowly continued entering the kitchen, making my way to the refrigerator and tearing the note from the door. It read

_Leah,_

_I'll be over at Charlie's again today. I'm sure you've noticed we've been spending a lot of time together lately. I think it is good for the both of us, Charlie and I, to be in each other's company like this. What with our loss of our lovers, it gets lonely. I hope you understand. We both haven't smiled like this in a very long while. I'll be home soon. I miss you._

_Oh, and honey, I am worried about you. I stopped by earlier this morning (of course) just to check up on you. The house was a mess I noticed, and….the beer? Take care of yourself honey, please._

_Love you always,_

_Mom_

I read the note over in my head multiple times, each time my frustration and anger heightening to extremes. I finally started shaking when I started to crumple the paper in my fist.

"'What with our loss of our lovers, it gets lonely? I hope you understand? 'BULL SHIT!" I aimed the crumpled paper for the trash can. And missed. So much for werewolf abilities.

I couldn't believe she could be so oblivious to my feelings. She isn't the only one who has lost some one. Hell, I have lost two people! I felt so lost at that moment. Alone. And used.


End file.
